Friday, April 6, 2012

Try Harder, Pansy

I am a terrible runner. I wheeze, I pant, I struggle, my body hurts like crazy, my heart feels like it's going to explode, and my lungs are close to catching on fire. People in the Army, the Runners, look at me and say, "Hey Jody, try harder." Okay. But before you cast that stone at me, take off those glasses, Four Eyes.

What's that? No correlation between running and poor eyesight? I beg to differ.

I understand what worsening vision means. In high school my vision was 20-10, then a few years ago it dropped to 20-15. This year my eyes were worse than ever before, 20-20.

Now I have to look at myself in the mirror in the morning, every morning, knowing that I only have 20-20 vision. It is no longer better than perfect. My eagle-eye vision is gone; I will never see things multiplied like I used to. I am like everyone else (after corrective lenses). How pathetic is my life? I know.

You people who wear glasses are simply not trying hard enough. If I was lazy like you, my vision would be blurry. You see, it takes effort to see things clearly. The muscles contract in about 1/100th of a second. If I didn't do that, I would see as badly as you do. But you see, I actually try to see things clearly.

I don't want to rely on some "doctor" to see every day. That's why I make a concerted effort to see.

So, if you have perfect vision, go ahead and criticize my running. Otherwise, you would do well to remember the famous phrase, "People who wear glasses shouldn't throw stones."