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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Enough Already with the Baking Shows!

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an episode of the Twilight Zone, where everyone is crazy but me. I like to eat fudge, cake, and cupcakes as much as the next guy. But I, apparently alone, refuse to watch the incessant baking of desserts on television. I can't even get my wife to agree that the sheer number of these shows is absurd, so I don't presume any readers of this blog agree with my disdain for all things sweet on TV. 

Ace of Cakes - Food Network
Amazing Wedding Cakes - WE tv
Cake Boss - TLC
Cupcake Wars - Food Network
DC Cupcakes -TLC
Fabulous Cakes - TLC
Have Cake Will Travel - Food Network
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Bravo
Next Great Baker - TLC
Staten Island Cakes - WE tv

Sweet Genius - Food Network
The Cupcake Girls - WE tv
Ultimate Cake Off -TLC
Wedding Cake Masters - WE tv
Wedding Cake Wars - WE tv

It appears there is a shortage of humans - humans with any imagination or ideas - working at two different television networks. I want to be in on the next pitch for a baking show at TLC or WE tv. They have (or have recently aired) 10 different baking shows between the two channels.

Pitch Man: You know what this channel needs? In fact, what television in general needs, is a show about baking!
Executive: We've already got 5 of these, you know.
Pitch Man: I know. But do you have any shows that portray bakers creating large cakes that don't look like cakes at all!?
Executive: That's all we have.
Pitch Man: But, is there some sort of TIME limit that makes it really interesting. You know if they don't finish in time, then the cake is just sort of, you know, not finished?
Executive: Right. Yeah, we do.
Pitch Man: What about a BIG RED countdown clock?
Executive: All of our shows prominently feature a big red countdown clock.
Pitch Man: But do any of your shows make them put weird ingredients in the baked goods?
Executive: Yes.
Pitch Man: Well, my idea is about a baking show, where bakers make cakes or cupcakes, and they look like art, man, they're amazing, plus there's a countdown clock, and if the baker doesn't finish, it's like, "Dude they didn't finish the cake!"
Executive: Didn't we just go over this?
Pitch Man: But the bakers get really nervous and don't know if they're going to finish in time, or if their cakes will totally be the BEST!
Executive: (Yawns)
Pitch Man: And they do all of the baking with gluten free ingredients!
Executive: That's the greatest idea I've ever heard. And it's so different from everything else we do. We look forward to making a show together.

I'm going to be really ticked off next year when Sugar Free Treats becomes a huge hit on TLC. Oh well, maybe I'll tune in to old episodes of the Twilight Zone instead. At least I can relate to that show.

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